“My Trip to Mexico” by Tony Wilson

Counting your blessing is easier once you travel down south. Don’ t get me wrong, I enjoy Mexico and believe that the people are wonderful and the country is beautiful once you get out of Tijuana.

I took my friend, Andre, who had never been south of the border. We decided to go down Sunday for some lobster in Puerto Nuevo (New Port). This small seafood town is located between Rosarito and Ensenada. Since Andre was a Mexico Virgin, I decided to jump off the main toll road and show him Rosarito. I stopped for an ATM machine and noticed that my tire was low on air. I found a gas station and was pleasantly surprised that it was full service. After the attendant, who spoke no English, filled my tire, I tipped him $3.00. As we were driving away, we noticed him show his co-workers how much we tipped, with a big smile on his face.

As we drove along the main boulevard of Rosarito, we noticed roving trucks of Federales (Federal Police). Out of no where we were pulled over by 3 truck loads of Federales (12) officers with full swat gear and M-16 machine guns. They surrounded my car. As I put the window down, one of the officers stepped to my window and addressed my in rapid fire spanish. I uttered the words I practiced all the way from Long Beach, “Mi Espanol es muy poco”.

He looked at me perplexed and said “license”. I handed off the requested identification. He then indicated that he wanted me to put down my heavily tinted back window. After a cursory look in my back seat, he asked me to open my trunk. While they searched my trunk, Andre kept insisting that I advised them that I was an American citizen and had rights. After tying him up and duck taping his mouth closed I smiled at the remaining officers as I waited for them to finish violating me. Soon the officer returned with my license and said, “Adios”. Adios, I did.

We continued to Puerto Nuevo, where we determined that we have nothing on these people when it comes to the hard sale. These people are like vultures. Every shop in town sells Cohiba “Cuban” cigars. They quickly negotiate the price for a box of 20 from $200 to $50 bucks. Needless to say, I questioned the authenticity of these cigars. I then turned to my attention to getting a good deal on some Pacific lobster. If you haven’t had Pacific lobster, versus Maine lobster, I highly recommended it! It is a sweeter tasting more pleasant meat.

And Puerto Nuevo is the “crack town” of lobster. When you start to walk the town, the restaurants which are close to the town entrance offer a medium lobster with rice, beans, tortillas and a free margarita for $16.00. As you continue walking, the deals start to change. 1 1/2 lobsters with all the trimmings, for $14.00, etc. We finally settled on 2 medium lobsters with all you can eat beans and rice and free margaritas for $12.00! Dinner was great! As you walk through the town, you notice that there are guys (yep, only guys) hawking the different restaurant deals. They actually receive a commission for getting people to eat in the restaurant.

We met one such guy, who at one time lived in Pasadena, CA. He advised he had gotten in “trouble” while in Pasadena with a gun and some gang members. He ended up doing 80% of a 4 year sentence. He was then deported. I asked if he planned to go back over. He told me that the judge made it very clear that if he were caught back in the US, he would be sent back to jail for 80% of a 10 year sentence. He, with a smile on his face, said that he was actually happy where he was. He pointed to a small apartment building off the beach, and said that he rented a small one room apartment for $60 US. He explained that he only had to make $150 US for him to survive a comfortable stress free life. I am almost tempted to become his neighbor.

On the way back, we decided to stay on the main toll road and try to get back to the border before dark. Once we passed through the toll gates, we were stopped by the Mexican Army.

A soldier approached my car and spoke to me, once again, in rapid fire Spanish. I chocked out my standard line, “mi espanol is muy poco”. He then said, “Oh you don’t speak much spanish”. I will point out that he said this in perfect English… no accent what so ever. I pointed out to him that when you approach a car from America with a Black man inside, SPEAK ENGLISH!!! He then searched my car. At this point my curiosity got the best of me. I have been to Mexico over 100 times and have never been stopped. I asked him why I was stopped twice in one day. He advised that they were looking for guns and drugs and those type of people come to Mexico in Escalades, Crown Vics and Towncars (which I happened to drive). On our way once again, we stopped at a cigar shop in Tijana, where I was able to stock up on some good Island Cigars.

It took about 90 minutes to get across the border and back in the United States. Needless to say, Andre has a new appreciation for America and I guess I will stick to Maine lobster for a while. By the way, I smoked a total of 7 cigars that day, including 2 Oliva V Torpedo, a Hemingway, a Padron 26 and 3 Comacho Corojos! Be blessed!